...so i touched it.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Four minutes until I can fart!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
