Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
