she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
