Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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