I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
