right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
