I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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