Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
