rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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