i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
