time to smoke my breakfast
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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