I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
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He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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