I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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