Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
