sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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