Can Purell be used as lube?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
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