Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
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I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize