wakey wakey hands off snakey
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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