i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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