We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
