I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
