Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
