Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
