party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
