He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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