No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
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Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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