Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
