oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
