the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
