Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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