You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
