I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Never underestimate the power of titties
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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