Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
