My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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