You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
