Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
