I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
