The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
