God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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