we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
