stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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