Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
