I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
