matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
All the doctor said was why
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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