yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
