I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
