Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
