i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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