proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize