Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
