And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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