i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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