he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
