you turned your livingroom into a bong?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
