I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
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i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Someone signed my nipple.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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