i used baking grease as lip gloss
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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