Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
