yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
