well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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