I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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