I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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