i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
