Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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