This dress was meant to end up on your floor
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
