If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
