I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
