my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
