I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
