He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
