If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
