Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
