p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
