there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
