So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I wear drunk well.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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