sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize